Tonight I sit here, my mind is racing, yet completely still. Im in the weirdest most indescribable mood, I cant keep my mind on any track, I sit to think, but my mind is blank, but still filled.

I am waiting on the verdict of the biggest decision in my life, a decision which doesn't even lay in my hands. Its in the hands of someone who knows nothing about me, cares nothing about me, to them I am merely a face with a name. They sit with the capability to change my entire world in a day, yet they don't have any idea how big an effect their decision will have on my life.

It will change everything, packing up and moving from everything that is normal in my life right now. Up and leave everyone, in a days notice. For a week, that i could handle, but for half a year is quite different. However much it scares me and however much I think what a huge deal it is to me, my family and my friends. I feel I need it, I need the change, the new, the different, the brilliant. The idea of going back to college is not appealing to me at all, after such a long, fantastic summer, ending with this opportunity of a big chance, I have convinced myself that I wont be returning to college and that idea is really working for me and my mind. College seems old and stale, I need something fresh, something which could bring so much more to my life than college is offering. I don't want the pressure of college and auditioning for drama schools that I have no interest in going to. Its hassle I just don't need in my life.

The fact I have no one to talk to about it helps no end. People offer out their ears, tell me they care and then have no time what so ever to hear me. I don't like moaning or pushing my problems on people, which is why I very rarely do, but when I'm everybody's "go to" guy for talking out their problems, I feel it isn't out of line for me to expect an ear in return. If I am expecting too much and I am in the wrong, then I apologize for sounding like a selfish, winging, idiot. I don't even need someone to take upon themselves the burden of all my problems, because I barely consider this situation a problem, just an issue playing on my mind that I need to talk out with someone, you know, just lay it all on the table and get it out of my mind, clear my head. But apparently thats too much to ask from so called "friends". Story of my life really.

Well the clock is ticking on my sanity, I will once again sit waiting on that phone call to tell me whether or not my life will completely change come friday. Who knows, my fingers are crossed and my mind is muddled.

I will wait it out another day

This is end of my very rare call for help, thank you for hearing me out,

Ears Pinned, Eyes Peeled

JackTheLad!